Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
