I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
