Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
