No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
