I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
