Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this is an emotional support booty call
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
