I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
