I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
