please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
