He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
