Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
