so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
