I cockslap morals
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
