enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize