eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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