I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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