i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This baby is an asshole
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
