I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
