she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
