OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
