Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
