You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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