wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize