i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
