You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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