After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
