After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
