Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
