yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
