We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
