Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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