Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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