So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
