You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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