My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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