the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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