Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
