I love black thongs
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
