u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
