People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
