and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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