Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
