If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
