I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
