So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
