wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
