just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
