Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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