I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
