It's like God shit irony all over that family
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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