lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
