id be glad to
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
