Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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