apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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