literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
