I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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