he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
