You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
