All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so that wasnt chicken after all
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
