To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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