Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
