Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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