I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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