I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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