life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
