I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
