He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
