He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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