This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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