this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
