He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
