I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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