Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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