So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
