ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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