I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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