I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
