Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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